Dead man walking.
week #44 | 2018
I feel ashamed. I feel stupid. Come up with all the negative words I know…for writing about you. For thinking I was special.
You see, I learned the truth and it had to come from the person I least expect it. All my defense mechanisms kicked into gear. I am no stranger to this; I have shut people out many times that it’s what’s normal to me when I suddenly have to deal with an unforeseeable situation. I am very good at what I do. Self-sabotage at its finest.
I get it, you had a life before you met me.
How I wish I can undo everything. Start from the very beginning and change all my decisions. Erase the endearing things I found about you in my memories. Forget all the things that remind me of you, so that every time I see them the image of you won’t come to mind.
I started today wanting to see you, now I’m wishing I don’t have to see you tomorrow.
Everything about you is in the past tense now, and that’s something I’m going to have to live with.
How do I teach myself not to care anymore? It’ll get easier day by day.
How do I cope with this unavoidable loss? I guess we’ll find out soon.
